So tonight or rather tomorrow, I start the twelve hundred calorie diet. I’m nervous because I have never really counted calories other than one time and that was a failure. I couldn’t stop going over my goal.
Of course I have to decide to do this when next week, I will be meeting my brother-in-law’s new girlfriend and we are going for Chinese. I’ve been told it’s okay to splurge once in a while and if I go over, I can always go for a walk the next day.
That’s not the point, I’m going to work really hard not to go over the goal. I am going to stay strong, I am going to do this not just for me but for my little one too. I don’t want her to have a mom who can’t chase after her, a mom who sits on the couch watching her life go by.
No, I’m going to be the curvy mom who can keep up with her, who gets involved and is there for her. I’m going to look back on the pictures of her growing up and be proud of them. I won’t be “just” the photographer anymore. I’m going to be the role model she deserves.
My goal? Not to be as skinny as I was when I was seventeen, that’s just crazy. My goal is to get from 265lbs (last time I checked) to 165 lbs. That’s right, I want to lose 100lbs. I know it’s ambitious but that is my end goal. However, I am a realist at times and I know I have to think small in order to get big thoughts.
I understand it’s going to take time, I will not see results straight away, it could take weeks, maybe even months. I just hope by next summer I can get into a swimming suit and not wear a really long t-shirt over it.
I hope when I get to go back to Ireland with my husband and little one, I can “wow” (as my mom and aunts say) my family and surprise them. Like I said, it’s not for them, it’s for me. I will enjoy their reactions. I will be strong, I will try not to cave (we all fall off and on the wagon at some point in our lives,) I’m not aiming for perfection or run way model. I’m just aiming to be healthy.